the feeling

it struck me again when i was bathing a moment ago.
it always comes when i least expect it, when my defenses are all down and mentally unprepared. especially when my mind wanders, the unconcious and unleashed mind of mine always loves to pry open what the concious mind will lock up.
when it comes, i always get the same feeling, or rather, reaction. i will just get this adrenaline rush as my mind plays back exactly what happened those two nights.. Gosh... just trying to recall those moments is already making my blood boil. anyway, i will also get this incredible physical strength and the immunity to pain, somehow equal to a bloodlust.(i oncebroke a tall glass in my hand just by squeezing it...)
sometimes the change comes so quick that it makes my vision blur.
then it fades away as quicky as it came. the whole thing takes around a minute or so, but it can bother me for the entire rest of the day...thats special, because usually, nothing bothers me for more than half an hour..

oh well, i guess its here to stay... just hope that it wont change the way i think or say.
i'll just channel the anger and rage to something more constructive..

(for the record, im not turning into a mutant, and even if i do, i wont join the X-men, the uniform is too ugly..)